Trying To Stand Up While Still Sitting Down

Photo by Marilylle Soveran

Photo by Marilylle Soveran

I still get a joyful shock when a revelation is revealed to me.  I am never quite sure whether to call it my inner guidance or the Holy Spirit but perhaps they are one and the same.  It sometimes happens when I am asking a question and sometimes it just happens.  It is the still, quiet knowing voice which speaks within me and reveals something new to me.

Recently, I had a dream which I didn’t remember until I was meditating later that day.  I dreamed I saw a flying insect which didn’t fly very well.  When it landed, I was ready with a fly-swatter and was prepared to deal it a death blow when I realized that it wasn’t an insect at all but a small sparrow.  Luckily, I caught myself in time and didn’t kill it.  During my meditation, I realized that the bird was my spirit and the dream represented my freedom to soar.  I found myself praying words which I hadn’t prayed in years.

                               ‘Forgive me Father for I have sinned.’

I realized I was sacrificing myself, my calling and my relationships with God and my family.  I had been living life frantically.  I needed to give up my frantic lifestyle in order to soar effortlessly.  I needed to remind myself that serving God and giving love to others takes precedent above all else.  Oh, but it is such a hard lesson to learn!  The worries…the fear of the sacrifices…the excuses.

Then on another day, this question was asked of me,

                     ‘If your life were a book, what would it be called?’

The answer came effortlessly before I even had a chance to think about it.

Trying to Stand Up While Still Sitting Down

What did it mean?  What was my subconscious (or God) trying to tell me? I pondered a bit about it and thought that perhaps even though I may not have been aware of it, my inner dialogue goes something like this:

‘Move!’

‘I can’t.  I’m too scared.’

‘You need to start walking!’

‘What if I fail? What if the things I sacrifice turn out to be for nothing?’

‘You won’t get anywhere by just sitting there!’

‘Oh yeah?  Well maybe a door will open magically and I can crawl through it?’ (Said with a rebellious tone).

‘Or maybe you need to start moving so you can find the door?’

‘I can’t.  The risks are too high.’

Other times, the title of my life can also be called:

Trying to Be Still While Running Blindly.

During those times in my life, my inner dialogue goes something like this:

‘Stop!’

‘What do you mean stop?’

‘Just stand still and breathe.’

‘I can’t.  I need a change.  My life is not how I want it to be.’

‘But you are running the wrong way!’

‘Really?  Okay, then I will run this way.’

‘No! Not that way either!’

‘Well, which way then? Give me direction.’

‘Just stand where you are and breathe and I will come and find you.’

‘What? Just stand here and wait?’

‘Yes.’

‘I can’t.  I’m scared and I have too much to do!’

The Guidance is there. Do you hear it?  Do you sense it?  Do you still struggle to follow your inner guidance?  So do I!  The risks seem high.  What if we make the sacrifices and we fail?  However, what if we come to the end of our lives and never even tried?  Can you face that regret? Neither can I!

If you know the direction Guidance is telling you to take, then be courageous enough to take it.  Here’s a tip, I have used in the past:  Try it for a year.  Follow your inner guidance for a year and then review.  If it isn’t working at all, perhaps you were wrong and that’s okay.  You can go back to what you know or try something else.  Just remember, to be still first and breathe.  Don’t jump into anything but take your steps slowly and carefully.

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Trying To Stand Up While Still Sitting Down

  1. Enjoyed this very much, Teresa. Very timely as I feel I have recently moved through one of these speed bumps of self doubt. It is amazing what emerges as both simple and joyous, all at once, when we are willing to receive what is being given…

    Peace
    Michael

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s