The decision was an easy decision to make because it was a heart decision. I am visiting two of my children who live in New York. Money is tight for all of us. Brittany is getting married in October and we need to save for air fares for the five of us who live in England as well as for our accommodation. However, I made this heart decision to add this trip and I am flying in a few weeks time. All the practicalities have been basked in prayers and answered in Love. There is a need for me to be there. A need for my love and support at this time. Besides that, I have missed Dustin and Brittany terribly. We have been divided by an ocean but connected in love. The bonus is that I get to finally meet my future son-in-law and will now have the chance to begin the process of adopting him as one of my own. All the planning and praying have brought back memories of when they were little. Memories deeper than what the brain can recall. The stronger maternal instincts a mother has when her children are very small has now re-gained its strength in me. It’s as if the fountain was set at standard height and now someone has turned the switch to geyser.
I saw a family yesterday in the store—mother, grandmother and two small children in a tandem stroller. I use to push Dustin and Brittany in one of those. Here was a boy with cheeky grin, full of motion riding in back and hopping in and out of the stroller while his baby sister sat in front peacefully looking around. They were so much like Dustin and Brittany when they were little that I smiled at them. The little boy took to me right away sensing that I was someone who loved children. He walked over to me and indicated that he wanted me to pick him up. That moment put joy in my heart and a lightness to my step for the rest of the day.
Dustin wasn’t an easy toddler to push in a stroller and he didn’t like sitting still. He also wasn’t one to simply walk next to me holding my hand. He often ran off, wanting to run top speed. He was attracted to sidewalks that sloped downward. I would run after him, heart in my throat. With Brittany in the stroller, I couldn’t safely run very fast.
Dustin never seemed to understand my fear. He loved causing reactions in people, He thought it was funny when I looked upset or scolded him. He was always laughing,
always wanting to run away from me, so confident that I would catch up to him in the end, pick him up and bring him safely home. Luckily, he has never been able to get too far from me. It’s just that now I need the aid of an air-plane.
Brittany has always been my fairy/angel little girl. The only one who slept through the night (13 hours!) since day one. She was blessed with a double abundance of hair that shone like fire when she was a baby. She looked at everything with wonder in her eyes and saw beauty everywhere. She escaped punishments simply by being good all the time. She was one of those children who created works of art out of whatever was on her dinner plate.
Brittany was an imaginative, creative child full of light and love for everyone. Now she has grown into a beautiful adult whose inner beauty matches her outer beauty just like a story-book princess.
So with the aid of an air-plane I will be seeing my children on the 22nd of March. More memories will come flooding back and more will be made. My thoughts are now consumed with love, memories and purpose. The next few weeks posts will probably reflect this.